The women folks are constantly told they need to communicate their needs more to get more pleasure out of s*x. “Tell us what you want!” men say. Well … that’s easier said than done!
How do you get your man to do what you want in bed without spoiling the mood or making him feel inadequate?
“I do not recommend a lot of instructional talking in the moment,” says Dawn Michael, PhD, a clinical sexologist and author of Intimacy Guidebook for Couples. In other words, show, don’t tell: Use touch and sound instead. Here are a few ways you can do that.
1. Guide his hands.
Don’t like what he’s doing at the moment? Resist the tempation to blurt out “ugh, cut that out!” Instead, Michael advises women in her counseling sessions to “take his hand and show him what feels better.” Use a firm but gentle touch.
2. Make some noise.
“Another way to communicate is to make enjoyable sounds and noises when he does something that feels good,”Michael says. “This will ensure that he does it again.”
It’s true. But if you feel self-conscious, don’t force theatrical groans. Even sighing can be effective as long as he can hear it.
3. Whisper it.
Rather than giving orders, try seductive invitations. “A woman can say in a soft, sexy voice ‘I like when you touch me like that,’ or, ‘it would make me feel so good if you did XYZ…’” Michael recommends. The key is your tone of voice and making it about how he makes you feel.
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